Aug

There are approximately 34 weeks between September 1st and my birthday. The “safe” rate of weight loss while on a decent diet and exercise regimen is about 2lbs. So if I stick to it, I could safely lose 68lbs. in that time span. I’d like to lose 75lbs. by then. Accounting for the fact that on people my size, there’s about 10lbs. or so of water weight that is typically lost the first week or so of a diet, that would actually take me right into the 75lbs. range. So 75lbs. it is. Over all, I’d like to lose 105lbs. in total, but the remaining 30lbs. can be worked on through the rest of 2011.

Now, you might think, “Damn, how fucking fat are you that you want to lose 105 pounds in total?” Well, I’ll tell you: two-hundred fifty-five pounds. That’s right, 2-5-5. Most people don’t believe me, because of the way I carry it, my broad shoulders, and the fact that I have a large chest which, unfortunately, doesn’t diminish much with weight loss; yes, I’ve tested the theory and they stay way larger than I’d like them. For my height (just under 5’7″) and body type (broad shoulders, wide hips, long legs), 150lbs is perfectly acceptable and is actually the weight at which I feel most “normal” and attractive. So 150lbs will be my ultimate goal.

Why the sudden change of heart? Well, I really don’t want to have to worry about my heart health more than other people, nor do I want to deal with the plethora of other maladies that affect fatties, especially as they age. It really is more about my health than looks. I have other health issues that require my attention far more than anything that could be brought on by weight, so I’d rather be able to focus solely on those, rather than flipping out about high blood pressure or diabetes.

So, as of September 1st, 2010, I’m going to cut soda totally out of my life (I’ve already started weaning myself out of a ridiculously horrible Diet Coke addiction), cut drastically back on salt and carbs, and start doing regular low impact exercises. No meal programs or personal trainers or fad diets. I just want to do this on my own. It will be altered here and there as I find what is or isn’t working, but I’m not going to strain myself by running several miles a day or becoming a gym rat. My body can’t handle that, anyway. So I’ll just do my best and if I manage to even lose half my goal, I’ll be okay with that, because it’s a start.

I may or may not use this blog to write about this. Hell, I may start another one and anonymously chronicle the journey. Who knows. All I know is that I want my thirties to start on a much healthier note than I’ve lived my twenties.

Nov

Sep

[09:56] kc: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6498304
[09:56] kc: eat one of those.
[09:56] jenn: HOLY SHIT THAT LOOKS AMAZING
[09:57] kc: carl’s jr doesnt have those?!?
[09:57] jenn: not that I know of
[09:57] jenn: I’d be like YO HOLD THE MAYO
[09:57] kc: hardee’s is our carl’s jr.
[09:57] jenn: yah I know
[09:57] jenn: jesus that thing is like… omg… I need one.
[09:58] kc: 1420 calories, thats like a heart attack in a wrapper.
[09:58] jenn: In an interview on CNBC, Hardee’s chief executive Andrew Puzder was unapologetic, saying the company’s latest sandwich is “not a burger for tree-huggers.”
[09:58] jenn: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
[09:58] jenn: Andrew Puzder is my hero for the month
[09:58] kc: amazing, eh?
[09:58] kc: HAHAHHA
[09:58] jenn: I WANT AN ANTI-HIPPIE BURGER
[09:58] kc: fucking hippies
[09:58] jenn: hahahaha
[09:58] kc: HA!
[09:59] jenn: “If Hardee’s persists in marketing this junk, it should at least list calories right up on the menu board,” Jacobson said.
[09:59] jenn: hahahaha
[09:59] jenn: yeah like someone buying that doesn’t realize it’s going to be MASSIVELY fatty
[09:59] kc: for breakfast, they have made from scratch biscuits with icing and strawberry or blueberry compote..
[09:59] jenn: OMG
[10:00] jenn: I need to go to Hardeeeeeeessssss
[10:00] kc: 470 calories each, usually sold in packs of 2
[10:00] kc: for $1.89
[10:00] jenn: no wonder the south is so fat
[10:00] jenn: if y’all didn’t have hurricanes, tornadoes, stupid amounts of humidity, huge bugs, and rednecks… I would totally fucking move there.
[10:00] kc: now you can see how i put on over 50 pounds moving here.
[10:00] kc: mississippi and alabama two of the fattest states for a reason.
[10:01] kc: i think its something in the sweet tea

Andrew Puzder also said, “This is a burger for young hungry guys who want a really big, delicious, juicy, decadent burger…”

To that, I say… JUST guys? C’mon now. I would totally eat one of those. Sure, my internal organs – given their track record – would stage a massive revolution in a matter of minutes, evacuating the current residents of my digestive tract. A devastating bilious war would be fought, wreaking havoc on my lower abdominal cavity and preventing the would-be king of burgers from taking up residence less than the amount of time that it takes the cats to appear at my feet after hearing a can opener meet metal.

The nearest Hardee’s is 1,083 miles away, in Amarillo, Texas. All I have to say is that Carl’s Jr. (the west coast version of Hardee’s) better put that burger on its menu ASAP, or I’m going to have a 16 hour drive ahead of me VERY soon!