Nov

Before you read this blog, please waste three minutes of your life reading this: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/11/05/o.change.name.after.marriage/index.html

I am concerned that the author of this article is so incensed about 80% of women in America choosing to change their surname after marriage. Does she not have more important or interesting things to harp on about, in the realms of feminism? Haven’t we moved on to more important things, ladies? Perhaps the breaking of glass ceilings? Who would have thought that anyone gave a damn, in 2009, about wasting time worrying about what names we choose to give ourselves. Isn’t that what feminism is about; providing women with the equal opportunity to make choices?

Any one of those famous people she used as examples would be no less talented and no less who they are, had they changed their surnames, they just wouldn’t be a “brand” anymore. That’s right, these women are all brands and their names are marketing tools. Isn’t that counterproductive to the feminist cause? Do you not think there were multiple meetings with agents, public relations representatives, and management firms about each and every one of those marriages and how the name would need to stay the same so that the dollar value could be protected with the familiarity of the name? Those women no longer own their names and those names are not who they are – they are the labels for products or services or talents they provide.

My strongest connection to my former surname was my grandfather and he passed away in 2006. My own family is disjointed and scattered to the winds – so why continue to use a surname with which I no longer feel a bond? I am proud to be my husband’s wife and thus, changed my surname after marriage. I did not do that for my first marriage, because it was not a man or family to which I felt especially connected. Short of selecting a new surname for the both of us, one that was not connected to my former surname or to Muzquiz, I felt much more comfortable becoming a Muzquiz than keeping my former surname. I am not a brand. Changing my name does not erase my past, nor does it negate the talents I have or remove the things I have to offer the world. I am still ME. So, yes, it is about personal identity. I just happen to choose to identify as being proud to be Mrs. Muzquiz.

Faith Salie, before you go parading your idealistic and misguided blathering to the rest of the world about how we should live our lives exactly like you, perhaps you should take a closer look at WHY 80% of us do CHOOSE to take on our husband’s surname. We all have our individual reasons and have made a choice to take on a new name for ourselves.

Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title.

Jun

Watching CNN, lately, has been bordering on intense. I’m glued to the television this morning, waiting to hear more news on the “illegal” Iranian protests scheduled for today. I almost wish I lived there, so that I could join and show my support for those who want their right to a voice in how their country is run. The determination of the masses, despite being threatened with violence from police and military presence, is nothing short of admirable and dare I say… heroic.

I remember watching almost this exact same situation unfold, nine years ago, in the Federal Republic of Yugoslav. At the time, I was living in Europe, so it was receiving around-the-clock news coverage. From a beaten-up recliner in my tiny living room, I spent countless hours watching a revolution unfold. It started out as passionate protesting, with large groups making their way through Belgrade toward federal buildings. Eventually, due to police and military involvement, things turned violent. Windows were smashed, cars were set on fire, punches were thrown, everyday objects became projectiles.

One of the key turning points of the afternoon was a police station being breached by the crowds. At that point, the news reporters went from all business to joining their audience as intrigued observers, who could just sit back and watch as a revolution became emboldened enough to oust a corrupt government, who gained position through fraud and oppression. We watched as something, which had been building for years, finally boiled over and spilled into the streets. And we watched as the world changed, during the course of an afternoon.

Due to a nearly 100% media blackout from within Tehran, imposed by the Iranian government, the information is sparse and the media coverage is very much unlike the situation in Belgrade. What little information that IS getting out is purely citizen journalism, thanks to the power of social media and mobile technology. Pictures on Twitter, messages on Facebook, narratives in 130 characters via SMS. Uncensored, unfiltered, and as it happens.

Having been part of the social networking/media movement for more than a decade and having worked in the mobile technology sector – directly related to social networking – it makes me so proud to be part of something so important. Even though I have only played a minuscule role, in the development and usage of social media, it makes my heart do backflips to see the way in which it’s being used. So many people dismissed social networking as kids’ stuff and mindless vanity, but here it is… at the forefront of showcasing a rapidly changing world and providing the sole clear window into a situation which our grandchildren will be reading about in history books.

So, while I may not have that beaten-up recliner in that tiny living room or live video from a country’s capitol as an enormous show of dissent takes place… I am still glued to the television and am able to hear reports from the scene, not just from those observing, but from those who are directly involved and determined to have a voice, no matter what the obstacles or price may be.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes: “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Apr

My story is currently linked on the front page of CNN.com and has been for several hours. It’s got two pages of comments, so far, and 37,782 views as of my writing this. This is overfuckingwhelming.

I really cannot explain how or why this has me so emotional. Well, I could explain how and why, but all the words in the world about the interviews and the post traumatic stress they caused in dredging up memories & emotions I’d long-since repressed… those words could not explain to you why I feel what I do right now. These are things that only my parents could really understand, because they were here for it all.

Here, where I am sitting right now, in my mom’s office area… a foot and a half away from where I did my one-on-one interview with the DatelineNBC producer, on camera. The exact same spot where I did my phone interview with Teen People; where I got all the details for the flight and hotel information for my stepdad and I to travel to New York; where I curled up and cried my eyes out when I was overwhelmed with grief, frustration, and anxiety over the issue of Teen People coming out and the show being on and what people would think or say; where I sat to read the emails from the girl who changed my life and whom I’ve thought about at least once a week for nearly ten years, wondering if she held onto the promise she made to herself and me.

It is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever experienced or ever will and the emotions behind all of this – everything that led up to it and everything during the few months surrounding it – are very hard for me to filter through my brain, as I tend to organize & analyze the thoughts causing my emotions and these are just too many for me to even comprehend all at once.

That, and I don’t handle compliments very well and I’m getting way too many over there and it’s a challenge to accept them as truthful opinions. That’s another story for another time, though.

Apr

In five days, it will be ten years since the Columbine incident occurred. CNN has asked for their iReporters to share their thoughts on the anniversary or their stories about the incident itself. I have not written, in detail, about this in a long time. So, I decided to share. I left out a lot of personal details and emotional crap, because I’m barely comfortable sharing that here, let alone with the world. So here ya go…

Ten years ago, I was in my senior year of high school. A week before my eighteenth birthday, the Columbine incident happened. I went through a wave of emotions and could not get enough of the news coverage. I was one of the “goth” kids at school and already had gotten enough flack for the way I dressed and my differently colored/styled hair. I felt so terrible for the kids and teacher who had lost their lives and could not believe that anyone could be so callous, but at the same time, based on the reports that they were picked on for listening to a certain type of music and wearing certain clothing, I also felt bad for the perpetrators.

Shortly following Columbine, I was interviewed for Teen People magazine, to provide my outlook as an “outsider” in high school – how I was treated, how I handled it, and my views on how judgmental my peers (and adults) could be. Once I received a proof copy, I realized that my story was drastically edited and words were attributed to me that I did not say. This frustrated me, but there was not much I could do about the situation other than hope that some portions of my original message would be seen by those who needed to see it.

Just before the issue hit newsstands, I was invited to take part in a special program that Dateline NBC & Teen People were putting together. It was a panel of teens from around the country who would give their insight on school security, bullying, parental involvement, internet socialization, cliques, and other issues we faced. I agreed to participate, as I felt that it could be a more real & open outlet to say what I had to say, where it would be more candid and less censored.

To prepare for the show, I started doing research on the Columbine incident itself. Many facts had come to light and had not actually been reported by the major media outlets. The media had blamed rock music and violent video games; claimed that Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold always wore trenchcoats and all-black clothing; that they obsessed over Nazi literature and carried out the attacks on April 20th due to that being Hitler’s birthday; that they were regularly picked on; had a list of enemies/targets; and that they shot Cassie Bernall for saying she believed in God.

This is what I found out: Yes, they listened to rock music. They didn’t frequently wear trenchcoats. They were not racists, they were sociopaths who disregarded everyone, no matter what their heritage. They were actually the bullies, according to Eric Harris’ own journal writings, frequently picking on freshmen and other people who seemed weaker. Their “enemies” list was mostly made up of people who had already graduated from Columbine. And poor Cassie Bernall, who was allegedly killed for professing her faith? She lost her life because she was in the wrong place, at the wrong time – and investigators have since stated that they do not believe that the now-mythical verbal exchange took place. I went to New York, armed with these and many other bits of information that I had collected both from trawling through volumes of both direct and media accounts, as well as from acquaintances who witnessed the incident for themselves or knew people who did.

The special was hosted by Katie Couric, who – in person – seemed rather shocked by a lot of what was said by a few of us. Those of us who knew better denied that video games, music, or being part of a clique had anything to do with what Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold carried out at Columbine. We assured her that there was no real Trenchcoat Mafia, based on what people who attended the school had to say, and that there was nothing to fear from people who chose to dress in all black or people who listened to songs that weren’t about puppy love. Much of what we had to say was edited to make it seem like we blamed the jocks for what happened and like we were playing the victims in our own experiences with bullying and being ostracized. This was far from the truth.

My experience of being on the panel mirrored how the media handled the incident as a whole. They were fearmongers that created an even more intolerant environment for teens to deal with, by grabbing onto every sensational nuance they could find and pushing their stories as fact. The rumors that were filtered through or created within production offices & newsrooms were almost all based on falsehoods and exaggerations. As a result, the public were afraid of the “goths” and “punks” and “metalheads” at school. Parents – often successfully – lobbied to get trenchcoats and all-black attire banned in their local schools. School administrators started considering these groups to be “gangs” and harassment of students was rampant, with unwarranted backpack searches, detainment in the hallways by security guards, and being called into the administrative offices for questioning. All of this simply because of the students’ clothing and/or chosen music preferences. Teens learned that if they didn’t like someone, they could simply report to administrators that the person had an “enemies list” and the school would quickly swoop in to rectify the situation – even when it wasn’t the truth – and since there was no stopping the local rumor mill, the accused would forever be known as “the kid with the list” and ostracized. This continued for a couple years, until the media and the country, as a whole, had 9/11 on which to shift their focus.

School shootings seemed to have tapered off since then or at least the reporting on them has. I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve created a generation of kids with entitlement issues, due to parents mollycoddling their children in the hopes that they wouldn’t flip out, or if it’s a variety of factors, potentially including the events surrounding 9/11 and giving the current generation something to focus upon and fight against. Personally, I lean more toward assuming the latter. And look at the things that are prevalent in the preferences with the current youth: “emo” and hard rock music; clothing that is an amalgamation of the goth, punk, and metal styles from the 80s and 90s; tatooos/piercings; wild hair colors and styles – all of the things that were looked down upon around the time of the Columbine incident. It’s like the generation following mine has almost done a complete 180 degree turn. They’re self-aware and far more likely to embrace creative expression.

Two things definitely remain the same, though. The media is still sensationalizing every story it can dig its talons into and – sadly – teens still tend to shun those who are different than they are, rather than having an eclectic mix of friends from different backgrounds. I doubt either one of these will ever change, as people enjoy the entertainment aspect that the “news” provides and teenagers will always be awkward & unsure of themselves, searching to belong until they realize that life is about pursuing happiness, rather than homogeneity.

I am not posting this to discuss the opinions expressed, only to share what I sent to CNN and because I told a few people I would, either because they’ve brought up the anniversary or asked me about the situation previously and I keep putting off writing about it. So there ya go.

Apr

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